afghan wedding - noble-knights.com

A F G H A N W E D D I N G

In Afghanistan generally the girls and boys do not play any role in choosing their husbands or wives, what the parents decide, the boy and the girl will have to obey and agree. The choice of the marriage depends on the proposal of the boy’s family. The boy’s family send the suitors to the family of the girl and the girl’s family have the right to accept or reject the proposal. Dowry plays big part in accepting and refusal of the proposal. Sometimes it’s is too much for the boy’s family that they cannot afford to pay.

Anyway, when it is accepted, first the engagement takes place and the pretty soon the marriage will take place, because after the engagement the girl’s expenses should depend on the boy’s family. My friend got the same problem, he felt in love with a girl and asked his mother to get that girl for him, when his mother went there and asked for the girl's hand they asked for three million afghani, which was about sixteen thousand US dollars. When his mother came back from the girls home she looked so upset and we asked why, what happened? She said my dear son forget about that girl, my friend said nothing. The next day the girl, which my friend had fallen for, called him and told him, please tell your mother to come once again. When his mother went there for the second time they asked for lesser amount which they could pay and the marriage took place the next month.

On day of the wedding special meal is prepared, it is like a big feast. The bride is then taken by her friends to the beauty saloon. The wedding party begins in the evening around 4 or 5 o’clock with the invitees entering the house or the hotel. The procedures are almost the same whether the marriage party is arranged in a modern hotel or in the residence of the bride's family. At around six p.m. about a dozen members of both families the bride's and the groom's, including men and women stand in line in the entrance to receive the guests and to lead them to the hall. Girls and boys are dressed beautifully and the smell of perfumes makes the atmosphere romantic.

The musicians arrive normally at 7 or 8 p.m. to quench the thirst of the music lovers, and make the ceremony more lively. At about 8-9 p.m. the bride is brought and is led to the arranged chamber where she and a dozen or of her female relatives and friends are to wait until the time for the special wedding song. On this occasion any young girl who wishes to find a husband sits right near the bride. It is believed that the girls who sits near to the bride on the sofa on this day will soon get married. The guest are led to dinning hall about 9 p.m. the bride's dinner is served in the bride's chamber. After the meal the bride and the bride groom side by side enters the hall followed by dozen of close relatives where all the guests are waiting for them. All the guests stand up and the rhythm of the song Asta boro ( go slowly ) is sung by the singer. By the time the song is finished the bride and the bride groom with a long row of men and women of close relatives following reach their sofa (which has already been prepared for them).

They don't sit by themselves, they are helped to sit by their mothers and sisters or other close relatives of both families. It is believed that the one (bride or bride groom) who sits first on the sofa will always be dominated by the other one (bride or bride groom). Sometimes the couple themselves decide to sit together at the same time. After they are seated then Takhtee Khina (tray of henna, which is beautifully decorated and a nicely embroidered shawl is put over it) is brought. It is put carefully on the table before the couples. Elders of both families including both parents of the bride and groom prepare the henna.

Aina mosaf (mirror and Quran) is then started. Under the shawl a new mirror wrapped in some high quality cloth and a Quran is taken by the parents of the bride groom. The mirror is unwrapped and the Quran is opened so that the bride and groom should first see each other in the mirror which symbolizes purity and cleanliness and then both of them look at the opened pages of the Quran and if they could read Arabic, they will read one or two line of the opened pages of the Quran.

The shawl is then taken away and the surrounding company clap hands and congratulate each other as well as the couple. The groom’s father puts the henna in the bride’s palm and wrap it with a piece of cloth. The old father will then put henna on his son’s palm and wrap it in the same manner with a piece of cloth. On both occasions all the people around them clap hands and congratulate them. The left over henna is then distributed to the young girls and boys who are not yet married. It is believed that those who could manage getting some henna and put it on their pinkie fingers will get married soon.

To get their sons and daughters married in their life time is one of the most desired wishes of all parents. While the music is still being played the married couple will exchange glasses of sharbat (sweet local made drink) and would eat malida (kind of dessert) . Then the cake is cut and is eaten first by the bride and bride groom and then distributed among the guests. Now this is time for dance and atan (special dance done by a group of people in a circle, very respected dance). Everyone dances, specially young girls and boys. The remaining part of the ceremony is dance, songs, and atan until two o’clock in the morning. The guests will then leave, but before leaving everyone congratulates the bride and the groom in person and then leave.

A few girls and women of the bride family would give her company to her new home. When the bride’s car, decorated with flowers, stops near the bride groom’s house, you can see the bride sitting in the car and won’t get off the car. Everyone will insist and would ask her to get off the car but she won’t listen to none of them until she is promised some property by the groom’s father and then she would get off the car. When she steps on the ground a chicken or a sheep is sacrificed under her foot, and a little blood is rubbed on the bride’s shoe. A number of girls take the bride to her bedroom to take her wedding gown off and dress her up with her night suit. The party is then ended. After three days there is another special ceremony which is called takht jami. On this occasion close relatives and sometimes close friends bring gifts for the bride. These gifts are specially furniture for the house. There will be more parties for the newly married couples by their relatives and people who were invited to the wedding party.
Nas